Studies in male make-up, part 1: Ollie Locke from Made In Chelsea

Last night on Made In Chelsea, producers told a person called Ollie Locke to go and sit on a bed in a room.

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Producers provided confirmation of his name, in case there was any confusion.

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Also asked to sit on a bed in a room was a person called Ashley James.

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Again, confirmation was provided.

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Producers asked her to talk about something with Ollie that made her burst into bitter, relentless, inconsolable tears.

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The effect on Ollie was devastating.

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He too could not hold back the flood of emotion.

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The unceasing tears fell.

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And they fell.

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OMG who knew tears had such astringent powers!

Look at those streaks!

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And how much make-up was he wearing to get those streaks?

Poor Ollie!

Producers, what should he do now?

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Watch it all by clicking here, Ollie’s make-up removal-via-tears demonstration is at around 18 mins in.

I popped in to see Paul Smith today, and he gave me a Paul Smith rose. Jolly!

I popped in to see Paul Smith today, with those nice boys Agi & Sam.

He’d been to the Chelsea Flower Show this morning, and picked for me a Sir Paul Smith rose from the Peter Beales Roses stand.

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How lovely!

It’s a vigorous and dense climber with very fragrant blooms.

****WARNING****

<<<IF YOU’RE GOING TO THE CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW, DON’T PICK THE FLOWERS>>>

+++UNLESS THEY’RE NAMED AFTER YOU+++

(And yes, there is an actual rose grower called Peter Beales. They’re one of the world’s best. And nothing to do with Pete Beale i.e. Ian’s dad i.e. Gillian Taylforth’s now deceased ex-husband on EastEnders. You can buy the rose by clicking here).

Paul’s always good with advice on how things should be done.

Aaah look!

Here’s Paul with Agi & Sam!

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All round loveliness!

Gay hate crime in London and NY. Opposition to gay marriage bill. Now re-watch David Gandy on Alan Carr

I’ve been out of the country for most of the past couple of weeks.

While I was away, I saw on Twitter many people outraged by comments David Gandy made about British menswear designers on the Channel 4 TV programme Alan Carr: Chatty Man.

A comedy talk show broadcast on Friday nights in the UK.

David Gandy is an ambassador of the British Fashion Council.

I couldn’t watch the programme abroad, and only managed to see the clip this weekend when I got back.

It’s been a funny couple of days to return home.

Conservative MPs, grandees and activists denouncing gay marriage, ahead of the parliamentary debate which begins today.

Of the news programmes I heard, and newspapers I read, it seemed like Conservative opponents of gay marriage were given free airtime.

Rarely did you hear a voice celebrating a gay marriage, the changes it’d bring, and what it’d mean about our country, and our belief in acceptance and equality.

Meanwhile, around 12.30am on Sunday morning, there was a violent hate crime in South London on Christopher Bryant and his partner Damon Truluck. The couple were assaulted and told to “stay down faggot”. They were coming home from Christopher’s 42nd birthday celebrations.

Here are the results of the attack on Christopher.

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In New York on Friday night, a gay man was murdered in a hate crime killing in Greenwich Village.

32-year old Marc Carson was called “faggot” and “queer”, before being asked, “do you want to die here?”

He was then fatally shot in the cheek.

The photo of Carson that has accompanied most news stories show him wearing a pair of Jeremy Scott for Adidas sneakers, with stars and stripes wings attached to the ankle.

He seemed like a man who enjoyed expressing himself through what he wore.

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The assault happened on West Eighth Street near Sixth Avenue in Manhattan.

Last Saturday night, I’d walked that same block with a friend.

It was with all this happening that I finally got to watch the clip of David Gandy being asked about British designers on Alan Carr.

Here’s everything that was said.

ALAN CARR: You know all that bollocky stuff that you see on the catwalk. Looks a bit crap.

DAVID GANDY: [laughs] I don’t know what you’re talking about.

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AC: I mean look at this. [A monitor between them shows look 14 from the Sibling autumn/winter 13 show]

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AC: This is some of the crap that’s on the catwalk. Look at that. I mean the people in the BBC have to wear those gloves now [he's presumably making a joke about the recent paedophile scandals at the BBC]. And this one takes the. I mean look at the, that is genuine. [Shows look 1 from Craig Green's debut catwalk show, as part of MAN autumn/winter 13]

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DG: I was at that show actually. I actually got a bit sort of pissed off, by actually, I actually thought, who does that,

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like who, like I would never of, sort of, like, if someone said, put this in front of your face,

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I would have gone [David first waves his hand in front of his face as if swatting something away, then gesticulates with his thumb pointing it over his shoulder, he says quietly in all this "..... off"], walk off

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AC: You can actually say that, you can say that if someone said wear this shed on your head?

DG: You do what you do

AC: So if someone said to me I want you to look like a shed, look like a, you can say no, no way, forget it. Have you got that much power as the top male model in the world.

DG: I used to do that before having any power whatsoever. I was a stunning little sod. so um, maybe it was out of principle, I don’t want to look like a shed today, thanks. [They start to talk about something else]

You can see the clip by clicking here, and heading to around 37 minutes in.

Rather than defending the work of British designers from the presenter’s comments, or talking as an ambassador about the importance of creativity, he turns the conversation to how he would feel if he were asked as a model to wear the work of Sibling or Craig Green, and says that he was “pissed off” during the MAN show.

The great triumphs of menswear in London since MAN started in 2005 has been the acceptance of difference and diversity.

It’s become the norm. Brilliant people have been allowed to do brilliant things on an increasingly global platform.

The integration of radical design among the more straight-laced is one of the successes of London Collections: Men.

It’s a happy mix.

And one that’s not needed explaining, or justifying.

But there’s antagonism in the air. Maybe it’s time to make some wider points.

I’ve long been of the opinion that the AIDS crisis stopped British menswear disappeared for around two decades.

That there were no menswear shows in London when MAN started in 2005 because of the damage wrought by AIDS through the 80s into the early 90s, before combination therapy was introduced and the disease could be managed.

So many died, from young designers who never even got the chance to show what they could do, to the young men who would have bought and worn the clothes.

No designers, no customers, no legacy, and an idea of radical menswear in this country disappears.

It’s not just radical menswear.

Savile Row has never regained the natural velocity given to it by Tommy Nutter, who died from AIDS complications in 1992.

The young menswear designers who have shown at MAN and LC:M since 2005 are restoring a broken link to the radical fashion halted in the 1980s.

With their designs, they are allowing for all that is diverse, different, complex and often unsaid. Sometimes the work is uncomfortable or challenging. Often it is celebratory. But it creates a dialogue, and promotes further freedom and creativity.

It’s these things which show the importance of fashion as a bellwether, not of superficial trends, but of actual societal change.

There will be gay men of the right wing reading this thinking, oh shut up.

What they crave is masculine normality through tailoring and what is deemed as conventional clothing.

Probably because aping normality was the only way for them to gain acceptance and approval from their family, and from their peers, as they grew up in the 80s or 90s.

(Hello, Conservative Party in 2013: divided over something as fundamentally obvious as gay marriage.)

(When you hear those Conservatives denouncing gay marriage, you just feel sorry for any kid in their household or wider family growing up gay.)

I’d rather not be having to point out the fundamental importance of radical design. I’d much prefer for radicalism to infiltrate of its own accord, as it has been doing in menswear the past few years.

But when antagonism increases, you have to say something back.

Aside from all this, there’s the cold rational commercial value of radical showpieces.

After years of hard graft, Sibling are beginning to build a business selling pieces which commercialise their more radical concepts and colours.

They are also proud of the fact that they can produce for sale every single wild piece they show on the catwalk. And men do buy them.

Craig Green is only one season in – he hasn’t even had the chance to build his brand and commercialise his work before he’s mocked on national TV by an ambassador for the British Fashion Council.

His collection was one of the cleverest of the entire season. The sweaters knitted with denim so the cloth will fade over time. The hand-painted stripes. The simple unlined black jacket which, in the showroom, looked incredible on anyone trying it on. And there were many.

The wood headpieces do their own work of creating drama, mood and tension, and expressing something unsayable.

But beneath them, there are real clothes too.

I interviewed David Gandy years ago, when he’d become the face of Dolce & Gabbana.

He’s a thoroughly decent chap who I think at the time was living in Fulham, West London.

Far removed from the brooding Italian conjured by his image.

I mean no insult when I say he has made an excellent career from not talking.

His appearance front row at LC:M shows has helped make them Daily Mail friendly. He helps to get the shows talked about.

But if he’s talking about them, it would help if he understood the wider societal implications of radical fashion.

He may not like it. That’s fine. No-one’s asking him to wear it.

But he needs to understand the equilibrium that allows radical fashion to flourish.

And that any antagonism adds to a general air.

(I’m not going to talk about Alan Carr’s role in all this – he has no links to fashion, so his comments are irrelevant to the discussion)

(Other than, wouldn’t it be lovely if there was some place for actual fashion on TV?)

You can mock Sibling and Craig Green, or you can celebrate them.

It’d be great if he chose the latter.

Their diversity and difference is the crux of LC:M.

Why it will always be more than just a load of safe suits.

I’m having a War-And-Peace-a-thon, and won’t post again till I’m finished

OMG it’s a War-And-Peace-a-thon!

As in, I’m reading War And Peace.

War And Peace!

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It’s basically like a whole season of Dynasty scripts, with names not that much more complicated than Dominique and Krystle.

I’m on p368.

It ends at p1224.

I’m not posting again till I get there.

ClLIFFHANGER!

Will I ever get there?

Here’s what I’m really reading, obvs.

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Oh look. Prada in NY have already got the AW13 frilly ruffle shirts. Oh look. I’m buying one

Prada in SoHo have already received some autumn/winter 13.

That’s autumn/winter in May.

Oh look!

The frilly ruffle shirt.

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OMG it’s so Sir Les Patterson!

Obviously I’m buying it.

The ruffle is temporarily stitched on.

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Hello, ruffle!

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The pieces are here early so that there’s something razzy in menswear to coincide with Prada and Catherine Martin’s costumes from Great Gatsby, on display in the store.

Here are my favourites. ie the ones that are most Prada.

This one.

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And this one.

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And this one.

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OMG Catherine Martin just walked in the store!

How jolly!

HANDBAG WATCH: a thorough, scientific survey of the handbags seen in 53 minutes at Frieze NY

*****HANDBAG WATCH******

+++A thorough and scientific survey+++

<<<<Of handbags>>>>

===Literally===

OMG let’s do a HANDBAG WATCH!

At Frieze NY!

Starting.. NOW!

[53 minutes later]

OK…. STOP!

Count them.

Please.

THE RESULTS OF HANDBAG WATCH AT FRIEZE ART FAIR NY

HERMÈS: 21. [Mostly Birkins. Often gangs of women, all with Birkins. Hermès was everywhere at Frieze. Everywhere]

CÉLINE: 16 [It almost seemed like Cèline would overtake Hermès. More diversity in styles too. But Hermès beat them. Sorry Céline!]

CHANEL: 13 [Though one of them looked fake so possibly 12]

PRADA: 7

LOUIS VUITTON: 7

And absolutely no LV Yayoi Kusama bags.

Not a single one.

Nada.

ISSEY MIKAKE: 7

STOP…

Recount…

SEVEN?

No.

Count again.

OK.

Continue.

ISSEY MIYAKE: 7

NO…

But yes…

Frieze was full of them.

Those funny tessellated triangle bags.

And each one was a different shape, so it wasn’t like I kept bumping into the same woman.

Most were carried by ladies d’un certain age.

Obviously.

And most were in black.

But wait!

What’s this?

A younger woman.

With one in yellow.

*shudder*

OK.

Continue.

BOTTEGA VENETA: 6

GOYARD: 4

Isn’t it funny how boring Goyard looks now?

So boring.

Move on.

GIVENCHY: 3

SAINT LAURENT: 2

WHAT WHAT WHAT?

YES YES YES!

Saint Laurents at Frieze already.

One woman with a Duffel.

One woman with a Betty.

Saint Laurent!

Oh but wait.

What’s that over there?

Ohgod.

One of those old YSL bags that look like the bag of bagpipes.

So that cancels out one of the new Saint Laurents.

New score please.

SAINT LAURENT: 1

BALENCIAGA: 2

OMG that’s a low score for Balenciaga…

OMG!

Shocking…

What else?

PROENZA SCHOULER: 2

MARNI: 1

GUCCI: 1

And…

A whole heap of other ugly I didn’t even take note of.

END OF HANDBAG WATCH!

But wait…

What about men?

MEN’S HANDBAG WATCH!

BOTTEGA VENETA: 2

PRADA: 2

LOUIS VUITTON: 2

Oh.

Not really that many.

Most of the men there were bankers. Suits. Loud voices. No bag.

Men that had bags mostly had cloth bags.

Oh well.

What’s that though?

OMG!

IT’S LITERALLY HAPPENING!

A MAN IS WEARING A BELT WITH A BIG DOUBLE G BUCKLE!

GUCCI BELTS STILL EXIST!

OMG!

More more Frieze NY: Prem Sahib, and more Eddie Peake

Here’s some Prem Sahib amazingness on Lorcan O’Neill’s stand.

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Close up, from the side.

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Lorcan’s got more Eddie Peake too.

Inconvenient Erection.

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A jolly smiley.

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Pas De Deux.

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A marble dog.

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Oooh and Lorcan’s got this Prem Sahib image too.

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Jolly!

More Frieze: Haroon Mirza, Karla Black, Liam Gillick, Cary Kwok, John MacEnroe’s back and a big pizza

More from Frieze NY.

Haroon Mirza at Lisson Gallery.

I just heard the guy from the gallery say he’d sold it “an hour ago”,

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From the side.

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Amazing Karla Black on Stuart Shave.

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Lovely Liam Gillick at Maureen Paley.

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This amazing Cary Kwok at Herald Street.

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Ooooh look there’s John MacEnroe’s back.

The one in the white T-shirt.

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And, by Tom Friedman, what will be one of the most photographed pieces at the fair.

A big pizza.

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More in a bit…

First look at Frieze NY: Eddie Peake; Paul McCarthy; Steven Claydon, Tino Seghal

I’ve just got to Frieze NY.

Already feels different.

Like NY-ers know what to do here.

First piece found – a Paul McCathy balloon dog at Hauser & Wirth.

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Those two behind were holding up a bit of orange card against its backside.

Maybe they’ve got an orange lounge they want to make sure it matches.

On White Cube… Eddie Peake!

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Close-up.

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And another.

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And another.

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Sadie Coles has got this amazing special area for Steven Claydon.

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And OMG the Tino Seghal is insane.

This girl pretending to be Manga character Ann Lee.

When someone new walks in the room, she goes, “excuse me”, and tells them the story so far.

It’s proper spooky.

Right, onwards.

More in a bit.

There is a major flaw in the Met’s Punk show. Punk was actually worn. These other clothes were not

There is a massive flaw at the heart of the Metropolitan Museum’s show Punk: Chaos To Couture, which opens to the public today.

You can see it in the opening two pieces.

Here’s an original Westwood/McLaren bondage top and trousers.

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It’s an outfit made to be worn.

So little punk clothing is left, because at the time people wore it till it wore out.

Facing it is an outfit for Dior by John Galliano.

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A garment made only for catwalk, and for use in editorial shoots (usually by magazines who need to satisfy Dior as an advertiser).

It is a crucial difference.

The original punk garments in the show are incredible to see, not least because each and every garment was worn.

The opening room is circled by sixteen Westwood/McLaren tops.

Many of them I’ve never seen before.

Like this one I snuck a shaky photo of (you’re not meant to take pictures now the show’s opened, but look on Twitter to see millions of images from the opening preview).

It’s King Kong jerking off a massive stiffy.

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Someone actually wore this T-shirt.

In public.

There’s also T-shirts like the naked black footballer and the cowboys with their dicks almost touching.

It’s extraordinary to see them in an institution like the Met. They have irascible power.

That power compounded by the soundtrack of archive interviews from the time of people talking about actually wearing the clothes.

The show contrasts authentic outfits with those that have since taken inspiration from punk.

But these other outfits are pretty much all showpieces.

Garments created to make an impression at a fashion show, never intended to be worn by a mass collective.

The punk garments have obvious anger and inherent meaning.

Something the many of the other garments lack, because they used punk as decoration to make a quick image.

It’s extraordinary to see many of these pieces by themselves.

It’s lovely to look again at Helmut Lang’s bottle-top leather jacket.

Or the original Maison Martin Margiela shopping bag tops.

But I went round the show actively looking for garments that would have been available. That would have taken this idea of punk-as-influence to a present day fashion mass.

There was a Dior Homme suit that would have been commercially available, but the outfit was on display for the intricate blood-shot beaded shirt – a showpiece.

Katherine Hamnett’s slogan T-shirts were widely worn, and widely available.

As are Westwood’s own recent I AM NOT A TERRORIST T-shirts.

Maybe a recent Balmain vest with a dirty American flag print on it.

Really, not that many.

And so yes, for the rest of the pieces, it is true that punk was a design influence in one way or another.

But because they are showpieces, specific to season and a fleeting look, their punkishness feels half-hearted.

Not core to the designers or brands – Burberry, Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana etc – who created them.

And so, like those who dressed “punk” for the Met Gala on Monday night, the punkishness feels inconsequential.

I wish I could say otherwise.

If this was a one-off room as part of a permanent fashion exhibition featuring the original punk garments, it would be the most extraordinary display.

The show is worth seeing to take a look at the original stuff.

Many of the other pieces deserve museum study.

But it is the actual act of wearing the clothes that gives punk its resonance.

It is amazing that their radical ideas have filtered through in so many disparate ways.

But radicalism in fashion is only radical if it’s actually worn.