***An incredibly sporadic and entirely unscientific count of the handbags being carried at social events of the world***
+++Usually Frieze Art Fairs+++
***THE FRIEZE ART FAIR!***
—AT VIP O’CLOCK—
You join us yesterday at the Frieze Art Fair.
The last hour of the VIP viewing, when the big collectors make their rounds.
i.e. women who can afford a handbag.
Or twelve million.
LET’S COUNT THE HANDBAGS.
OMG I wonder if we’ll see any NICOLAS GHESQUIRE FOR LOUIS VUITTON HANDBAGS!!!
Let’s start the count…NOW.
[Fast forward thirty four minutes]
It’s been a brutal round.
BECAUSE THERE’S HARDLY ANYONE HERE.
It’s still VIP only.
So few bags!
Just the cream that has risen.
The results are BRUTAL.
Some brands don’t even get 1…
WHAT ARE THE SCORES?
1st PLACE: CÉLINE – 11 bags.
Mostly that one where the sides pull out and its handle and zip look like a mouth.
A mouth that’s not smiling.
2nd PLACE: A DRAW!!!
Chanel and Hermès – 9 each.
BUT… to be honest there’s not that much variety with the Hermès offering.
Or that one punctured with an H.
One with a Lego clasp.
One covered in charms.
One of those big padded ones that had Lily Allen in the campaign for a billion years ago.
As well as twelve million 2.55s.
(OK not twelve million – there were six).
So… Chanel win second place on a tie-breaker!
4TH PLACE: Prada – 7 bags.
But… No new season bags.
No last season bags.
None with the street art on.
None of that new double bag style.
Just, like, Prada bags.
Can’t remember what they even looked like.
They were just… Prada.
5th PLACE: BALENCIAGA – four bags.
6th PLACE: CHRISTIAN DIOR – three bags.
All are Raf Simons era!
One plaid quilted.
One a mix of patent and plaid.
The other had something going on with it. Can’t remember.
7TH EQUAL: LOUIS VUITTON and BOTTEGA VENETA – two each.
Bottega are just regular Bottega’s.
Louis Vuitton… Two regular styles.
Special mention to Alice Rawsthorn wearing an actual head-to-toe Ghesquière look.
Is there a Ghequière bag though?
SOMEONE RICH GO BUY ONE OF THOSE MINI TRUNKS.
But for Alice Rawsthorn’s outfit, Louis Vuitton wins on points.
They’re 7th, BV 8th.
9th EQUAL: MICHAEL KORS AND KATE SPADE – 1 bag each.
I did just write those words.
I will write no more.
Let’s just draw a veil.
THAT CONCLUDES THE SCORING.
So that means, under the highly scientific controlled experiment conditions of HANDBAG WATCH, there were no bags by:
But that’s the VIPS for you.
****HERE ENDETH THE CURRENT EDITION OF HANDBAG WATCH!!!****
^^^JOIN US AGAIN FOR MORE HANDBAG WATCHING^^^
—PROBABLY AT THE NEXT FRIEZE TO BE HONEST—