WHAT MEN WEAR: a scientific study into the clothing choices of the next 100 men on Tinder

We are all judgemental about clothing.

Usually subconsciously.

We make immediate judgements on a person’s character from their clothing as part of our day-to-day.

But the advent of Tinder has led to a whole new level of judgement.

On Tinder, the dating app that has taken over from all the others for those both hetero and homo, clothing is a massive part of the snap decision to swipe right, to try for a match, or left, for bye-bye.

Yes, you’re looking at their face first, but often the decider is: ooh-I-don’t-like-their-top.

What do men wear to represent themselves to other men on Tinder?

Which garments?

Which colours?

What accessories?

Let’s study the next 100 men who turn up.

Let’s set the radius pretty far, so it’s not just men in East London.

OK it’s at 14 kilometres.

And we’ll set the age limit wide to get a good sweep.

Who’s first?

Tom, 42.

(BTW so that we’re only looking at their clothes, I’ll cover their faces up).

Tind1

Left swipe.

Next.

Phillip, 34.

Tind2

Is that two T-shirts, or a T-shirt with a trim?

There are sunglasses as well under that Snoopy.

Left swipe.

Not the most auspicious start.

Oh look!

A nice lad in a nice white T-shirt.

Near some mountains.

Tind3

Let’s look at his other pictures.

Ohgod forgot to click on his image first!

Have left swiped by accident!

Oh well.

Bye, Christopher, 25.

Next.

David, 43.

Tind4

Hooded fake fur.

On a publicly viewable dating site.

I suppose at least with David, 43, you’d probably get what you see.

Unlike many of these taken-on-a-beach-at-sunset-five-years-ago shots.

But sorry, David, 43 – left swipe.

Let’s flick through a few others.

Left swipe. Left swipe. Left swipe.

No sign of anyone wearing a tie yet.

Oh wait!

Crazzy, 23.

With two male friends as accessories.

Tind5

Which one’s Crazzy?

Oh. It’s him in the middle.

No tie wearer yet.

Shiny suit.

Left swipe.

Ohgod someone with a female friend as an accessory.

Jack, 24.

tind6

If he’s got a female accessory in his first image, how does he redeem himself with his second choice?

tind7

Ohgod.

Left swipe.

Aaah look!

A nice lad in a T-shirt.

tind11

Richard, 27.

Cleverly shot next to pattern.

Right swipe.

Interesting how someone dressed normally on Tinder can really stand out.

Here’s Paul, 26.

tind12

Totally normal.

Not normcore.

Just normal.

Right swipe.

Some men are topless.

With varying success.

Here’s Joseph, 25.

tind8

 

Are those jeans nice?

Probably hideous up close.

Oh well.

Right swipe!

Here’s Rafael, 33.

tind9

LEFT SWIPE.

Swipe, swipe, swipe.

I won’t show you all of the 100.

Though I took pictures of each of them for further analysis.

Accessories vary.

From bags, wraps, headphones to…

A dolphin.

tind14

Darren, 35.

Maybe make him watch Blackfish on a first date.

Left swipe.

(OK I’ll admit – you can see from the battery charge that this one is out of sync – he was actually number 106 or something after I’d charged my phone for a bit)

Further accessories.

An apron.

And a barbeque.

tind10

Sean, 31.

Left swipe.

Most images seemed to come from summer.

There was only really one that felt recently from the UK.

Jamie, 36.

tind15

Aaah what a nice sweater!

And how honest!

Big cliff.

Shall I right swipe?

Oh he says something about all of us have issues or something.

Left swipe.

Burberry’s dream ambassador.

Lawrence, 27.

tind16

Left swipe.

90 odd swiped, and only three to the left.

We’re almost done.

Ah well.

But wait!

A nice lad in a nice sweater!

Martin, 32.

tindd

Cable knit.

Leaning nicely against a nice window.

Nice!

RIGHT SWIPE!

Basically, we can conclude that I respond most to men on Tinder who look like they’ve shopped at Margaret Howell.

Last swipe.

A big tree in blossom!

photo 3

 

Can barely see John, 29, but let’s right swipe him anyway.

Five swipes out of 100.

5%.

Is that a good ratio?

Whatever.

Let’s look at the statistics for this highly scientific study…

RESULTS OF A STUDY INTO THE CLOTHING CHOICES OF THE NEXT 100 MEN ON TINDER

33% wear T-shirts (either on their own, or visible as part of an outfit).

14% wear a casual shirt, usually open at the neck.

11% are topless.

10% wear a jacket and shirt, mostly without tie.

10% wear a polo shirt.

9% are in outerwear.

7% wear a jumper.

5% are in shorts.

4% are in swim trunks.

3% wear a leather jacket.

2% wear running kit.

1% has their clothing entirely obscured by a cat.

1% has their clothing entirely obscured by a dog.

1% wear a rabbit costume.

1% wear a fake fur coat.

1% wear angel wings.

ACCESSORIES WORN BY THE NEXT 100 MEN ON TINDER

Of the next 100 men on Tinder, 27% of them chose to accessorise their look with one or more item.

15% (of the 100 men) wore sunglasses.

8% wore glasses.

6% wore a hat.

4% wore a tie.

4% accessorised with a female friend.

3% with a bag.

2% with headphones.

2% with a scarf.

2% with male friends.

1% with a wedding party.

1% with a clipboard teaching “inner healing”

1% with a dog.

1% with a cat.

1% with a coffee cup.

1% with an apron.

1% with a dolphin (OK this was number 106).

CONCLUSIONS TO BE DRAWN FROM THIS IN-DEPTH STUDY INTO WHAT THE NEXT 100 MEN WEAR ON TINDER

Most men on Tinder present themselves in a T-shirt.

Barely anyone shows themselves in a tie.

In the blur of subjective decisions, normality is actually a nice thing for the eye to see.

And, after right swiping five times, I’ve yet to match with any.

Que sera sera.