HANDBAG WATCH at Frieze: the first count

***HANDBAG WATCH***

+++A non-scientific survey of the handbags carried to various social functions+++

Just in…

***FRIEZE***

Hello, HANDBAG CORRESPONDENT!

“Hello!”

How’s it going at the Frieze preview day?

“There’s lots of handbags”

Good!

Can you give us your first count?

“Of course!”

OK then.

Away you go.

“CHANEL: twenty four”

“HÈRMES: fifteen”

Oooh! Chanel are beating Hèrmes at Frieze!

“BOTTEGA VENETA: eight”

“CÉLINE: seven”

SHUT UP

Céline are in fourth place?

That’s as much of a shocker as One Direction only being at No3 in the charts this Sunday.

Céline are the One Direction of handbags!

Continue.

“LOUIS VUITTON: five”

“PRADA: four”

“STELLA McCARTNEY: four”

Oooh a new entry!

“I didn’t see any Stella at Frieze Masters. They’re much more veggie at Frieze”

Carry on.

“BALENCIAGA: two”

“MIU MIU: two”

“GUCCI: two”

“YVES SAINT LAURENT: one”

“MOSCHINO: one”

Eh? Moschino?

“She was really old.”

OK.

“CAMBRIDGE SATCHELS: one”

What colour?

“Lime”

Carry on.

“ISSEY MIYAKE: one”

What, the tessellated triangles?

“Yes.”

Figures.

“Anyway look. I quit as HANDBAG CORRESPONDENT.”

NO!

Why?

“I want to be COMME DES GARÇONS CORRESPONDENT.”

Why?

“I keep spotting women in Comme des Garçons autumn/winter 12.”

What do you mean?

“The amazing 2D collection.”

Amazing!

Are they in the same outfit?

“No. Different looks. Two so far.”

Amazing!

“I’ve taken pictures.”

Oooh, share!

“Here’s one woman. She was having a bit of sushi.”

Oh wow!

Comme des Garçons creep shot!

“Here’s another.”

OK…

Oh how razzy!

“And she wasn’t carrying a handbag either. Comme des Garçons women don’t need handbags.”

Fancy.

“I’ve spotted Raf Simons too.”

Oooh!

What’s he wearing?

“Head-to-toe Prada autumn/winter 12.”

Jolly!

“I’ve taken a back view.”

OK.

Here comes Raf Simons’s back.

Amazing!

“I haven’t seen any more Comme des Garçons.”

Oh well.

“I quit as COMME DES GARÇONS CORRESPONDENT.”

Jeez.

“I want to be HANDBAG CORRESPONDENT again”

We’ll see.

Shall we give HANDBAG CORRESPONDENT their job back?

Shall we?

“Please”

To be continued…